Life sucks.. then you learn

I have been insanely busy, stressed and working my ass off lately. I am the kind of person who would bend over backwards for those I love.. and last night.. I had to learn that I can't always do that. I offered my home to someone who said she was finally gonna leave her abusive husband.. I woke up this morning to find her and her son gone.. but all her shit still here including her phone. I just have this feeling she went back to him.. which means she had him come pick her up.. and the only reason my place was safe last night.. was cause he didn't know where I lived.. and now he does.. So I offered my home to one of the people closest to me.. and she put me at risk.. not to mention her and her son.. the ass has already choked her.. next time he may not stop.. and she just won't listen..
I just can't understand how a friendship of 21 years.. that survived 2 marriages, a cult.. and everything else we went through.. can be destroyed in one night.. but it was.. I'm just glad I'm not friendless.. I know I have friends.. who would NEVER ever betray me like that.. they would never put me at risk like that.. even if I offered. guess it's times like these you figure out who your real friends are.

Long Delay

Wow.. time flies ... even if your NOT having fun.. So this month has been crazy.. been trying to go start donating plasma to make money.. could make up to 400 extra a month doing that... BUT .. it's been a pain in the ass.. I swear! So hopefully... tomorrow.. lol

phone works to upload pictures!!!

So yes.. I finally got my phone to work to upload pictures.. which is good.. cause the damn thing don't do nothing else... it's essentially a $300 mp3 player, mobile internet device, radio, camera and alarm clock. I have no cell service lol.. Sooo now that I have it working.. I'm gonna blog about my pen pals and postcards.. cause I'm all geeky and excited about them.. hehe. sooo here are a few that have been sent .. One is some uber hotness sent from a pal in Indiana, one is is from NY and it is total cuteness and the last one.. just a cute little twist on words sent from the UK!! Letters recieved today are from my pal Chaya in WI, Debi in FL and Amanda in NC.. Ok off to read them.

The Zoo and the Flood

So this is the tale of taking my daughter to the zoo, and nearly getting caught in a flood on the way home.. She had a blast at the zoo.. we saw the Elephants, lions, a mongoose, cheetah, hyenna, the monkeys, a macaw and a snake.. she got to pet the snake, twice actually, she had a blast, we had hot dogs and while waiting for my burger to cook.. the storm moved in.. So we went to the souvenier shop and got her the present I promised her if she was really good.. she chose a little purple purse and a purple mini waterbottle.. she was so proud of it, was showing it off to everyone .. "mommy got it for me" So that made my day. It's not often these days I get to treat her.
So then we had to swing by the in laws to get her some clothes and her toys. Had to hang out there a bit while Father in law took my nephew to the gym, and Karma was watching this clip of Sonic X that had the "This is Halloween" song from Nightmare before Christmas, she loves that song, that kinda makes me proud, her favorite holiday seems to be Halloween like mine, though she can't decide if she wants to Snow White again or a Witch this year. Proceeded to have an argument with the ex about whether or not Nightmare before Christmas was an appropiate move for a kid to watch, he was seeming to think I'd let her watch it now.. I had planned to wait a couple years, but it's one of my favs. Anyways, while driving to my place, the storm hit full force and I swear.. it flooded in parts of Denver, the lower parts anyways, where I live is a bit of higher ground, so I got lucky, but it was sheets of rain.. literally.. never seen anything like it. Included some hail too. Ex and I got Karma in the building.. kept her mostly dry, but we got soaked in the process.
Then once the rain stopped, took Karma swimming in the pool, she loves to swim, and she is a fish I swear! She was diving and swimming easily underwater, swam the length of the pool, with me next to her of course, but she did it on her own. I was soo proud. She's eating ramen now while I write about this. I haven't had her home with me in a few weeks, so I'm on cloud nine right now with her here.

On a side note, I get a cat next weekend!! My grandmother breeds siamese cross breeds and she has an all black shorthair that wasn't spoken for.. woohoo.. she's bringing it down, not sure if it's a boy or girl yet, she's bringing it down next weekend with litter and food too! I'm soo excited!! Will update later once I get it

Crazy Week

I have been pretty busy lately. Went to the therapist for the first time on Friday. It went well, I completely poured my heart out, told him my life, my frustrations, why I feel so stuck So lonely, etc. We clicked and he was willing to drop his price by 40 bucks... so I'm gonna go back on the 22nd.
I hated the idea of going to therapy, but I hate even more the times that I have hurt those I care about when I have lashed out cause I kept too much in. I have to get myself stable so I don't hurt anyone anymore.

Today

So after my meeting with my boss, I have to take the bus to go to my ex's place so I can meet them there before we head to a Speech Therapist for my daughter, who is 5. My mother in law is convinced she isn't talking at the level she should be, and in some ways I know she is right. She does seem to have hard time grasping certain concepts. But.. like any mother, I don't want there to be anything wrong with her. But if there is something that can be treated.... then now is the best time to catch it. Not looking forward to having to deal with the ex, or the in laws, but I'm very excited to get to see my daughter.

It sucks that I can't see her more often, but working from home in a job that allows for 0 background noise.. to the point I would get fired if it was heard on the phone that she was calling "hey mommy", just makes it impossible for me to have her here and self occupied.. especially with a 10 hour shift. Add to that I can't afford daycare, and don't have a car, the only real plausible option is for my Mother in law to watch her while I am working, which is awesome she's willing to do, but without a car, that means I only see my daughter on my days off, and that's assuming I don't have to work overtime to try to catch up.

But I know it's temporary, I just have to keep at it till I am able to have her here all the time.. which will happen.. if it's the last thing I do.

So yeah.. worried about the appointment.. will post an update afterwards.

Finding myself

So for the last several months.. I have been trying to figure out.. who I really am. What I really like, what I enjoy.. and I think I've finally done it. I'm kinda shy.. very outgoing.. extremely flirtacious.. highly sexual, willing to bend over backwards and give up what I am for those I love. And that is where I keep messing up. I have never put myself first, nor will I ever completely do so as a mother.. but I am finally gonna stop putting everyone else first. I'm gonna stop walking on eggshells with everyone. I have to be myself, and if that isn't good enough.. then anyone who feels that way can kiss my ass. So many people have tried to convince me of this, but I finally have figured it out.

Blog Design

Ok.. I also wanted to say a special thank you to the friend that designed my blog... A... I love you to pieces, and I want you to know how much I appreciated it.. so without drawing too much attention to you.. I'm publicly thanking you for the time and effort you put into this.. Especially considering I gave you what? 3 colors I like.. and no real direction.. I'm bad at decisions.. thankfully she knows me well! It's perfect!! THANK YOU!!

Happy 4th!!

So finally home after spending the day at the in laws... My daughter was too damn cute. She had me draw her little stick figure pictures.. complete with eyebrows, eyelashes, fingers and toes.. Now I am NOT an artist.. so these look little better than a kids drawing.. lol.. so she makes little cards out of them.. and then comes up.. looking at the card as if I've just given it to her for her birthday.. and says.. "Oh mommy, it's so beautiful, you shouldn't have!"
 And she said that like.. 10 times.. it was hilarious... So yeah.. was a good day all around. Had burgers and hotdogs, and jello cake for dessert.. I'm stuffed.. for the first time in like 2 weeks.. it's a nice feeling. and only 4 more days till payday when I can stock up on food... I hope.. being poor sucks! But I have a roof, a job, and the internet.. what else do I need? lol.. Oh I got a swimming pool too.. and books.. and I write a lot of letters... might start blogging about some of my pen pals.. I have them all over .. only about 30 atm.. but I'm always looking for more.. :D

Hello

So.. this is gonna be my blog. I've never blogged before, so I'm not really sure what all to write about. I've read blogs, so this will probably just be a place I come to rant and rave, or whine or celebrate.
A little about me.. I'm 30, I have a 5 year old daughter named Karma, she is my world. Beautiful too... I know all parents say that.. but she really is.. I'll post a pic later.
I work from home, and I enjoy my job. I take calls in a call center type job. It pays pretty good and makes sure I don't need a car.
I'm pagan, easy going.. sometimes over emotional, and I have a group of friends I call family that are my support and strength.
And that's all I can think of at the moment.. going for a swim.